| Introduction When God redeemed us through the person and work of Jesus Christ, he made us new creatures. 2 Cor. 5:17 – Therefore, if anyone isin Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. As new creatures who were recreated in the image of Jesus Christ, we now sit in heavenly places with Jesus, 3:1-4. We are now enabled by God's grace to live here, on this plain, heavenly living. That includes our family life. Because of Christ, the wife submits to the husband and the husband loves the wife. Because of Christ, the child obeys the parents and the parents do not discourage them. This is all Gospel living. We cannot do justice to Paul's teaching on this subject of parenting and being parented if we don't bring into our consideration the parallel passage in Ephesians. Eph. 6:1-4 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. When we put Col. 3:20-21 and Eph. 6:1-4 together, we see that there are several things that mark the parent/child relationship: · The glory of God is goal of parenting and being parented (it pleases the Lord); · The Gospel-obedience has no other limitation than the Word of God (in all things); · Parenting methods and styles can easily become a source of discouragement to children; · Fathers may naturally tend to exasperate their children; · The basis for obedience is the moral law (5th commandment) – Paul is not afraid of telling people that they must obey the law; · Fathers must play an active and central role in the upbringing of their children; · As with all obedience, there are benefits in obeying God in this area (commandment with a promise). I. Children as Part of the Visible Church A. It is important to notice that Paul addresses the children as part of the church – they are part of the saints of 1:2. B. A baptized child of a member of the church is also a member of the church and should be addressed as such. 1. It is true that there is a status change in their membership when children make a public profession of faith, but the change is from covenant member to communicant member, not from non-member to member. 2. It is because the baptized children on believers are members of the Body of Christ that Paul can call them to obedience. a. The implication of this truth to parenting is that we treat and raise our children as Christians, not heathens. b. We keep on pressing the Gospel upon them, but not as upon one who has no relationship with the Lord. c. We keep on pressing the Gospel upon them as one who belongs to God. 3. This idea might sound weird to you, even heretical, and yet you practice it even if unwittingly. a. How many of you have taught your children not to pray for their food, or their auies, etc. because God doesn't listen to the prayers of the heathen? b. How many of you do not think that your children should obey you in the Lord? c. How many of you tell your children that God is not their Father? 4. It is an innate belief that our children belong to the Lord so we act according to it – praise the Lord for inconsistencies between belief and practice, at least in this area. C. It is because our children do belong to the Lord that the task of raising them is so important. Ps. 127:3 – Behold, children area heritage [inheritance] from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. "Your dear little Mary Elizabeth was baptized this afternoon... by Dr. Alexander. Notwithstanding the rain, the place of service was so near we found it easy to take our dear little treasure out to be consecrated to God in this delightful ordinance. I never appreciated so highly before the privilege of thus giving to God what is dearest to us on earth. We feel now as though she were not our own, but something lent to be cultivated and prepared through our agency for heaven. To be instrumental in thus training up one of the children of the Lord to be presented before Him without spot or blemish, is so delightful and honorable task." Charles Hodge in letter to his mother dated 12/25/1825 1. The fact that our children are in a special relationship with the Lord should motivate us to be faithful in raising them. 2. This truth should in no way cause us to neglect keeping the Gospel before our children at every opportunity. A. Notice that in both passages the fathers are addressed. 1. The word fathers can stand for parents, but it is more likely that in Colossians Paul meant father because in the previous verse he used the word for parentsand then changes it to fathers in v. 21. 2. Paul singles out fathers because we are more likely to provoke our children. B. Do not give reasons for your children to become bitter toward the Lord, you, and your parenting. 1. Even though our English translation uses the phrase do not provoke in Colossians and Ephesians, it translates two different Greek words. 2. Here in Colossians, a more accurate translation would be do not embitter your children. a. Hypocrisy is great source of bitterness. b. Self-righteousness is a great source of bitterness. c. Conditional love is a great source of bitterness. "Obedience must never be made the condition of parental 'love'; a 'love' so conditioned would not deserve the name." N.T. Wright C. Do not exasperate your children. 1. Having a moving target for obedience exasperates and frustrates our children. 2. Being inconsistent exasperate our children – today something is not allowed but tomorrow it is ok. D. These two negatives discourage our children from obeying us and by implication the Lord. III. Positively: The Christian Parent Raises His/Her Children in the Paideia and Nouthesia of the Lord. Eph. 6:4 – And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. 1. The idea is of nourishment, of feeding them. 2. There is also an element of tenderness, which is in contrast with the provocation of the beginning of the verse. a. The only other time this word is used in the NT is in 5:29 where the husband is to nourish his wife as he does his own flesh. b. In nourishing, parents, and specifically fathers, are to feed their children in order for them to grow in the Lord. B. In or by the training of the Lord. 1. This refers primarily to what is done to the child. 2. It may be described as training by means of rules and regulations. 3. It includes several things: 4. This involves training in righteousness, and the Lord gets to tell us why that is to be done since it is the training of the Lord! C. In or by the admonition of the Lord. 1. This refers primarily to what is said to the child. a. What is said and what is done must match in order not to provoke the children to wrath and for you parents not to be the object of the displeasure of God. b. Again because it is the admonition of the Lord, he gets to tell us what it is. 2. We are to keep his Word constantly in front of our children. Dt. 6:4-9 – Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. a. Teach your children in formal settings, 7b. 1) Family devotions and teaching times. a) Keep it brief (don't provoke them to wrath). b) Maintain your children's interest by speaking at their level and by teaching interactively and creatively. i. Sing a song or a hymn. ii. Read a short section of Scripture together and invite each family member to make a comment or ask a question, starting with the youngest. iii. Pray together perhaps using a list using a list. iv. The book of Proverbs is a model of parental instruction. b. As we read through this passage, we see that diligence and deliberateness must mark the way we teach our children. c. Teach your children informally, 7c-9. 1) Fill your home with reminders of God's Word. 2) Take advantage of opportunities to apply the Word of God to life as it happens. 3) Interact with your children about God's truth. Dt. 6:20-21 – When your son asks you in time to come, saying, 'What is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes, and the judgments which the Lord our God has commanded you?' then you shall say to your son: 'We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, and the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand…. 4) Teach them by your example. Phil. 4:9 – The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. 5) Don't turn every situation into a sermon. d. Teach your children about the blessings of redemption. Dt. 6:20-25 – When your son asks you in time to come, saying, 'What is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes, and the judgments which the Lord our God has commanded you?' then you shall say to your son: 'We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, and the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand; and the Lord showed signs and wonders before our eyes, great and severe, against Egypt, Pharaoh, and all his household. Then He brought us out from there, that He might bring us in, to give us the land of which He swore to our fathers. And the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that He might preserve us alive, as it is this day. Then it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to observe all these commandments before the Lord our God, as He has commanded us.' D. You are responsible before God to train your children, 7a. 1. You cannot ultimately delegate the training of your children to anyone else. a. It is not the job of the government to train your children. b. Nor have you fulfilled your duty if you put your children in a Christian school. c. Nor is it the job of the church to train your children. 2. Parents are to be the primary influence in their children's lives and husbands and fathers are particularly called to be spiritual leaders in the home. 3. What if there is no Christian father? Jam. 1:27 and Titus 2 help us figure this one out. 4. You are responsible for all of the influences (teachers) to which you subject your kids. a. You may choose to use a conventional school, but you are responsible for what your kids are being taught. Ps. 1:1 – Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful…. b. Home-schoolers also use outside teachers and influences. c. Also, keep watch over your children's friends, entertainment, etc. 1 Cor. 15:33 – Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits." E. Your objective in training your children is God-centered: trusting your children will carry godly values into future generations. Dt. 4:9-10 – Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren, especially concerning the day you stood before the LORD your God in Horeb, when the LORD said to me, "Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children." F. Train your children to live a life of godliness and wisdom. Eph. 6:4 – And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Pro. 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. "The very heart of Christian nurture is this: to bring the heart of the child to the heart of his Savior." Hendriksen G. In addition to disciplining and training your children, enjoy your children, Ps. 127-128. IV. Children, God Wants You to Obey and Honor Parents. A. You need your parents. 1. God's design is that you grow up and mature under your parents' care. 2. Because you are sinful, you need restraint. Pro. 22:15 – Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Pro. 29:15 – The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. 3. God put you in your particular family – Romans 8:28. 4. God wants your parents to be the primary influence in your life Pro. 1:8-9 – My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck. 1. God has given them the right to tell you what to do. 2. He commands you to obey them, which means he commands them to order. 3. Do what they tell you do immediately and cheerfully, without complaining or challenging their authority. Phil. 2:14 – Do all things without complaining and disputing…. Col. 3:23 – And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men. 4. Seek to please them IN EVERTYHING, Col. 3:20. 1. Your parents are not your peers. 2. Honor begins in your heart. 3. You are to honor BOTH your mother and your father. 4. Speak to them AND about them respectfully. Lev. 20:9 – For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him. Pro. 30:17 – The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it. D. Pay close attention to your parents' teaching. Pro. 6:20-23 – My son, keep your father's command, And do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; Tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life…. E. Receive their discipline and admonishment. Heb. 12:7-11 – If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. F. Be thankful for them and for all they do for you. Pro. 31:28 – Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…. G. There are limitations to your obedience. 1. One day you will grow up and no longer be a child under your parents' authority, Genesis 2:24. 2. Your parents do not have the right to tell you to sin against God. Mt. 10:34-39 – Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. H. God gives you good reasons for honoring your parents. 1. Honor them because it is right. Eph. 6:1 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2. Honor them for the Lord's sake. Col. 3:20 – Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 3. Your parents are not perfect, but your honoring them does not depend on who they are, but Christ is – the example of Jesus, the perfect one with imperfect parents. Lk. 2:51 – Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them, but His mother kept all these things in her heart. 4. If you honor your parents, you will be richly blessed. Eph. 6:2-3 – "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." 5. If you do not honor your parents, you will be cursed. Dt. 21:18-21 – If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the elders of his city, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear. Pro. 20:20 – If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness. I. What does God expect of grown children? 1. One goal of parenting is to make children ready to leave the home. 2. Unlike marriage, the parent-child relationship changes. 3. Ordinarily this will take place when the child gets married, Gen. 2:24. 4. The relationship between unmarried adult children and their parents is different from that of younger children. 1 Cor. 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 5. When is a child ready to leave home? 1 Cor. 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. a. When he/she is mature enough to make wise choices on his/her own. b. When he/she is able to take on the responsibilities of adult life. c. When/she is ready to live for others. 6. Some children leave too soon, some adult children are not leaving. a. There are benefits to young, single adult living with his or her parents, there are also risks. b. Adult children still living under their parents' roof must respect their rules. c. Perhaps grown children who do not honor their parents should be forced to leave. d. Even after leaving home, you are still to honor your parents. e. Seek your parents' counsel. 1) You are not bound to do what they say. 2) But it would be foolish not to draw from their wisdom. f. Build your relationship/friendship with them – all the injunctions to mutual love apply to your relationship with your parents as well. g. You are responsible to take care of your parents in their old age. Mt. 15:3-9 – He answered and said to them, "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you say, 'Whoever says to his father or mother, "Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God" -- 'then he need not honor his father or mother.' Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition. "Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: 'These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.' " · Children, bring delight to your parents
· Parents train your children in godliness.
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