| Introduction The family as the basic and foundational unit of the church and society is under attack. The world and Satan know that if they destroy the foundation of society and the church, they will win the battle. Sadly, Satan seems to often be more aware of the importance of the family than the church is. You can see these attacks in the shaping of public policy regarding marriage and sexuality. You can see these attacks in the transgender agenda. So, we need to fight back. We need to be involved in the political process. We need to pray for the Lord's mercy upon our society and church. But the most effective way to fight this war is by faithful executing the roles that God has given us in the family. In other words, the best weapon we have is obedience to God's calling in our lives. Last Lord's Day, we saw God's calling for the wife as the submitting partner. Today, we come to the husband's calling – loving leadership. As husbands, we can write blog posts about the attacks on the family, we can fight for political change, etc. But if we are not loving our wives, we are have actually become agents of Satan in the destruction of the family. I. Starting from the End: Bitterness. A. Paul addresses submission and love because these were two elements of marriage cursed because of the Fall. Gen. 3:16 – To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." 1. When God says that, as a result sinning against him, the wife's "desire will be for her husband," he is saying that her desire will be for the role of her husband. a. Her natural inclination will be to want to do what her husband is called to do. b. She will naturally find it difficult to submit herself to her husband. 2. When God says that, as a result of sinning against him, the husband will rule over the wife, he is saying that being a loving leader, he will naturally be a tyrant or an idiot (self-centered). a. Selfishness will naturally mark his attitude toward his wife. b. Instead of seeing his wife as the perfect helper God has given him, he will naturally see her as someone to subjugate. 3. Therefore, it should be clear to us that in order for a wife to be a godly wife and a husband to be a godly husband, they need to be liberated from their sinful nature through the work of the Spirit. a. It is only through the person and work of Jesus Christ that these roles can be fulfilled. b. Not till we die to ourselves and live by the resurrection of Jesus, will we be able to submit and love like we are called to do. c. Thus, the Christian family is rooted and grounded in the gospel of Jesus Christ. B. The Colossian text in its brevity adds something that the longer Ephesians passage doesn't address, at least not directly – the idea of bitterness. 1. "… do not be bitter toward them" is literally "do not make yourself bitter toward them." 2. To help us understand what bitterness is, let us consider the way different scholars have translated this verse. a. "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be bitterly hateful toward them." Louw-Nida b. "… do not become angry, incensed against your wives." Michaelis in TDNT (he adds that this is supposed to be true either in thought or more particularly in word and deed). "In particular, he must scrupulously avoid the temptation to resent her being the person she is, to become bitter or angry when she turns out to be, like him, a real human being, and not merely a projection of his own hopes and fantasies." N.T. Wright 3. Paul is commanding us husbands, by the grace God, not to have an angry attitude toward our wives. a. Bitterness will lead to jealousy and competition. Acts 8:23 (Peter talking with Simon the Sorcerer) – For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity. b. Bitterness is a characteristic of a man without Christ. Eph. 4:31-32 – Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. c. Bitterness causes us to miss out on the grace and thus generates disunity. Heb. 12:15 – … looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…. 1) This last passage also gives us the solution for bitterness – HOLINESS Heb. 12:14 – Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord…. 2) This is not a self-righteous holiness mustered up solely by our own efforts, but a holiness generated by the grace of God and grounded on repentance. 3) The Christian husband will pursue holiness because of whom he is in Christ. C. Notice that Paul continues to follow the put off-put on pattern of the previous verses – put off bitterness, put on love. II. Put on Love for Your Wife "This is not simply a matter of affectionate feeling or sexual attraction; it involves his active and unceasing care for her well-being." F.F. Bruce "The leadership that husbands rightly exhibit in marriage is not to be carried out harshly or selfishly, but lovingly." Douglas Moo A. Though the charge could be leveled against Paul that he was just going along with the cultural norms of the first century when he said that wives should be submissive to their husbands, this idea that a husband should love his wife is completely counter-cultural. 1. This is a revolutionary concept in a society where wives were practically owned by their husbands. 2. Another evidence that the faithful teaching of the Scriptures is liberating rather than repressive. B. The pattern or example of the husband's love for his wife is Christ's love for his church. Eph. 5:25-30 – Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 1. Love her unconditionally, 25a. a. The world has cheapened the meaning of love, so we need to be reminded what the true meaning is. 1 Cor. 13:4-7 – Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. b. Our love is not dependent upon the worthiness of the beloved. c. Christ loved you when you were not worthy to be loved. Rom. 5:8, 10 – But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us…. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. d. Seek the good of your wife, whether she deserves it or not. e. Christ-like love is not merely a feeling or a passion – it is a commitment. f. The husband is to be the initiator in love, 25a. 1 Jn. 4:19 – We love Him because He first loved us. 2. Love her sacrificially, 25b. a. Christ's love is demonstrated on the cross. Eph. 5:2 – And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. b. Christ's love for the church is particular Jn. 10:11 – I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. c. Give up your life for you bride. 1) Paul is not merely saying you must be willing to give up your life. 2) Sacrifice your rights and interests for her good. Phil. 2:3-4 – Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. d. Authority has been given to you in order for you to serve. Mk. 10:45 – For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. 3. Love her with a purifying love, 26-27. a. Christ, our bridegroom, is committed to making us holy. Titus 2:14 – … who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works. b. Your love for your wife should make her more beautiful spiritually. c. Do you have the courage to make biblical decisions that go against her preferences? 4. Love your wife as you love yourself, 28. a. You love her because you are united, Gen, 2:24 b. She is not just like a part of yourself; she is part of you, Gen. 2:24 1) Paul assumes that every man loves himself unconditionally. 2) It is unnatural to abuse your own body, 29. 5. Lover your wife by nourishing her, 29b. a. Christ has provided richly for you! 1 Pt. 2:1-5 – Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious. Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. b. Provide for her materially. 1 Tim. 5:8 – If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. c. Meet her emotional needs. 1 Pt. 3:7 – Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. d. Meet her spiritual needs – we already saw above. e. Meet her sexual needs. 1 Cor. 7:3-5 – Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6. Love your wife by cherishing her, 29c. a. Treasure her as the most precious treasure in the universe. b. Take time to understand her and give her honor. 1 Pt. 3:7 – Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. c. Be patient and gentle with her. Col. 3:19 – Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. d. Treat her with respect. Pro. 31:11 – The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. e. Express appreciation and affection to her. Pro. 31:28 – Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…. 7. Love your wife by leading her. Eph. 5:23-24 – For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 1) Leading in the Word requires personal time in the Word. 2) Leading in the Word requires a grasp of the Word. 3) Leading in the Word requires a plan for growth. 4) Leading in the Word requires patient instruction. b. Lead in righteousness, 27. c. Lead in selflessness, 28-30. e. Lead in decision-making f. As the head of the wife, the husband is: 1) The provider – remember: worse than an unbeliever. 2) Prophet – he brings God's Word to her. 3) Priest – he brings her to prayer. 1 Pet. 3:7 – Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 8. Above all, love your wife by being a follower of Christ.
This is a tall order, but it is what God wants husbands to do. It is not easy because our natural inclination is to be selfish. God will give you the grace to love your wife in this way if you rely on him for all that you need to do it. Remember that Christ died and came back to life to give you all the grace to follow him.
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