| Introduction In a few moments, we will baptize Asa Kalich. Covenant baptisms such as this one give us the opportunity to remind ourselves about raising children and the theology of the family in general. This is a helpful reminder to all of us, even those who don't have families since we are all called to be disciple makers. I. Receiving Little Ones into the Family. A. Each family is designed to be a culture – with a language, customs, traditions, and countless unspoken assumptions. 1. God has made the world in such a way that children who grow up in the culture of the family are to be shaped and molded by it. 2. The duty of the parents, and specially of the husband and father, is to ensure that the shaping is done according to the standards of the Word of God. 3. Families are often plagued by two problems: a. One problem takes place when a husband and wife establish a very real culture in their family, but because of their sin and rebellion, it is a rebellious culture. 1) In such a case, children are simply being brought up under the wrath of God. 2) Unless the grace of God intervenes, the sins of the fathers are visited upon subsequent generations. b. The second problem, far more common among modern Christians, is that of forgetting the family is a culture at all, and allowing by default outside cultural influences to take primacy in how the children are shaped. 1) When parents abdicate their responsibility to influence their children in the home, the vacuum will not be there for long. 2) Because this is a fallen world, those who take over the process of shaping the children, those who rush to fill the void left by disobedient parents, will more likely than not be fools. 3) It is moral idiocy to leave children alone in order to let them "learn alone" or "make decisions for themselves." a) Children are malleable and will be shaped either by godly people or ungodly people. b) But as children, they will be shaped. B. Once a husband and wife understand the vision for establishing a Christian culture in the home, they are then prepared for the privilege of receiving children from the hand of the Lord. C. This is important because it is a fearful thing to cause a child to stumble, Mt. 18:6. 1. The disciples had asked who was the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 2. Our Lord's response made use of a nearby little one in order to show the disciples the importance of a childlike humility. 3. The entry to the kingdom requires a conversion in childlike humility, Mt. 18:3-4. 4. Unless a man is so converted, he will by no means enter the kingdom of God. 5. But having made the point about humility, the Lord continued to teach on the important subject of children. a. In a very real way, we can see that the kind of humility Christ was requiring here should be measured in terms of one's attitude toward children, Mt. 18:5. b. He then utters the terrifying curse in v. 6 – whoever is a stumbling block to believing little ones lies under a horrible judgment of God. c. In the next verse, the Lord states that the world is a sinful place and that offenses (to little ones) will come – but woe to that man through whom they come, 7. D.Although Christ is speaking generally, to whom do these words primarily apply? To parents!!! 1. Under God's providence, when a man and a woman have a child, they have formed a life that will exist forever. a. No peaceful oblivion waits for poorly-reared children. b. And further, God has made the world in such a way that parents have a tremendous influence over the direction their children take – either for good or evil. Pro. 22:6– Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. 2. How serious, then, should we as parents be in the fulfilling of these responsibilities? The next two verses tell us, Mt. 18:8-9. a. Better to enter life maimed than to be thrown into hell whole and entire. b. This is still in the context of the Lord's teaching about children as Jesus says in v. 10. c. In other words, the Lord is teaching us that it is better to maim ourselves than to stumble our children. E. There are three basic truths here. 1. We as parents must be converted men and women so that we are like children – we are to be teachable, humble, malleable. 2. Secondly, we are to receive our children in the name of the Lord because to do so is to receive the Lord. a. Pregnancy, childbearing, and child-rearing should be viewed by us with great honor because in these things the Lord is visiting us with blessing. b. There should not be any prejudice against children among those who understand this concept. 3. Thirdly, we are to take heed that we do not despise our little ones, Mt. 18:10. F. There are at least two ways to be guilty of such despising. 1. Children are despised when they are neglected, overlooked, and pushed aside for larger, more adult concerns. a. It was this kind of grown-up self-importance that Christ rebuked when his disciples tried to keep the little ones away from him. Mt. 19:14– But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven." c. The Christian faith is not like those rides at Disneyland, where you have to be a certain height to participate. 2. A second way of despising children is not as evident to us and yet it is the most common way of despising children in our society. a. This happens when we think we are not despising them because we pay so much attention to them. b. We live in a culture that is obsessed with the idol of youth, but there is a vast difference between the childlike and teachable humility enjoined by Christ and the childish immaturity worshipped by our culture. G.As we bring up our children, we should descend to their level in one sense (humility) in order to lead them to our level (maturity). H.This is not the same as descending to their level (immaturity) in order to lead them to our level (pride). I. We must be servants to our children; we must not cater to them. 1. One of the central problems with bringing up children in our day is the constant temptation to underestimate their capacities. 2. We expect them to act as though they have no brains or souls until they have graduated from college. 3. We aim at nothing, and we hit it every time. II. Foundational Building Blocks for Fathers and Mothers for Their Parenting. A. The first building block – in fulfilling our parental duties and privileges, the Bible is sufficient. 1. Bringing up small children can be mystifying and will present thinking parents with many questions. 2. But parents must remember that all questions that needto be answered canbe answered from the Bible Dt. 6:4-9– Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord isone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 2 Tim. 3:16- 17– All Scripture isgiven by inspiration of God, and isprofitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. B. The second building block – discipline is no substitute for regeneration. 1. Every child, no matter how cute or small or helpless is a sinner. 2. Strict discipline may channel that sin in socially acceptable ways, but that is all it can do. 3. Godly, strict discipline must always have a goal that goes far beyond "well-behaved kids." 4. Listen to what the Holy Spirit says concerning us and our children. Eph. 2:1-3– And you He made alive,who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. a. When considering age, the Bible does not contrast childish innocence and adult sinfulness. b. The biblical contrast is between immature sin and mature sin. 1) The Christian parent must always take the reality of sin and rebellion into account. 2) The fact that the children of Christian parents belong to a covenant home does not alter the reality of sin. 3) Every child, every descendent of Adam, needs the forgiveness of Christ. C. The third building block – godly child-rearing is covenantal. 1. The children of believers, although they have the nature of sinners, have been given a tremendous covenantal privilege. 1 Cor. 7:13-15– And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 2. The children of unbelievers are unclean, but the children of Christian parents are covenantally sanctified, even though their nature is not yet necessarily changed through regeneration. a. The fact that the child is a sinner and has not yet professed faith in Christ is grounds for watchfulness, wariness, and prayerfulness. b. At the same time, the covenantal sanctification of children is grounds for confidence. c. When all the teaching of the Bible is taken into account, parents who fulfill their covenantal obligations have every reason to expect that their children will be saved. Ps. 103:17-18– But the mercy of the Lord isfrom everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to such as keep His covenant, and to those who remember His commandments to do them. D. The fourth building block – the final responsibility for child-rearing belongs to the father. 1. The husband must lead his wife in child-rearing. 2. He must not react to her, he must not blame her, and he must not be led by her. 3. This is what headship necessarily involves. 4. The husband is the head of his wife (Eph. 5:23), and he is responsible for all the children (Eph. 6:4). 5. It is very important that this responsibility of the husband be embraced by him and understood by her. 6. Leadership necessarily involves initiative. a. Many men have blurred the distinction between being the head of the home and being a queen bee. b. A slug on the couch may be waited on, but he is not exercising godly leadership. c. In Ephesians 5:25, and 6:4, the verbs love and bring up are active verbs. d. In the home, the husband is a picture of Christ. 1) But if he shows no initiative in loving, teaching, or admonishing, he is a lying picture of Christ. 2) In other words, each husband, every day, is talking about Christ through his behavior. 3) What he says is either true or a lie, but he cannot be silent. 4) So, masculine initiative means watching over the family without prompting, and it means seeking information about the children from the wife at his instigation. 7. Leadership also involves honoring and respecting a wife's limitations. 1 Pt. 3:7– Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." a. Generally, children are far more mindful of their father than their mother. b. But childrearing is not a competition; it is not a foot race between father and mother. c. The man and his wife are on the same team. d. The fact that the children don't mind their mother as readily should be understood by the husband, and he must always back her up. e. Whenever children are looking at their mother, they should see the looming shadow of dad behind her – whether he is home or not. 8. Leadership in childrearing also involves honoring and respecting a woman's strengths and dignity. a. In the task of bringing up children, the help the wife brings is not just in the area of biological reproduction. b. She is given to her husband in order to help him bring them up. c. He therefore needs her perspective; he needs her wisdom. d. Because God wants godly offspring, the husband must therefore keep covenant with the wife of his youth. Mal. 2:13-16– And this is the second thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive itwith goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make themone, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." 9. However unpleasant it may appear to the flesh, godly leadership necessarily involves sacrifice. a. Jesus taught us that the way to be a godly leader involves servanthood. 1) Who is the master of the sheep? The shepherd, obviously. 2) But who is the servant to the sheep? The answer is equally obvious. b. In the same way, who is the master of a newborn? And who is the servant? 1) Parents have full authority, but it is the authority of servanthood. 2) Husbands have full authority, but it is the authority of servanthood. Mk. 9:35– And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, 'If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.'" 3) A man who wants to be first in his home must pursue that position the way Christ instructed. a) He should want to have authority in the home because he was appointed to that position. b) But the method Christ requires him to follow in order to get there is service. c) A husband and a wife must, through example and words, see that discipline is for the benefit of the children, and not for the benefit of the one disciplining. E. Fifth building block – young children are not equipped for independence. 1. If parents do well in the first five years, then they will be spared much grief later. a. Grown children are to be fully independent. b. Older children at home are obviously to be quasi-independent, as the parents prepare them for the time they leave. c. But young children are dependent. 2. Many parents try to reverse this order by not doing the work needed in the earlier years, then trying to control everything in later years. III. The Promises of God to Us and Our Children. A. The Bible teaches us that the norm for faithful members of the covenant is that their children will follow them in their faithfulness. Ps. 102:28– The children of Your servants will continue, and their descendants will be established before You. B. As Christians, we should know that "the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to such as keep His covenant, and to those who remember His commandments to do them" (Ps. 103:17-18). C. This does not teach automatic transfer of saving grace to our children. 1. If we disobey the terms of the covenant – especially with regard to the way we train our children – then we have no right to be surprised with the result. 2. The Bible is full of promises to parents, but the promises are for those parents who are in the covenant, keep the covenant, and remember his commandments to do them. 3. One of the reasons we fail to comfort ourselves with these promises is that we are reluctant to assume the converse responsibility for failure. a. Parents within the covenant can fail to fulfill their covenantal duties with regard to their children. Pro. 22:6– Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. b. This is a conclusion we hesitate to draw, and consequently the promised blessing of covenantal comfort for faithful parents is missed. 4. Some may object and say that this is a burden that no fallen parent can bear – who is sufficient for these things? a. The answer is that in ourselves none of us is sufficient. b. But these promises were given, not to perfect beings, but to us. 1) The promises of the covenant are given to forgiven sinners. 2) And because they are Gospel promises they are ours by grace through faith. 3) Christian parents should anticipate seeing their children grow up knowing the Lord. 4) This should not be seen as an oddity – the oddity should be children who fall away. 5) And the conversion experiences of heroin addicts who previously rode with the Hell's Angels should not be used as the conversion paradigm for children who have grown up in godly, nurturing homes. c. In Eph. 6:4, fathers are told to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 1) These fathers are not commanded to attempt a distinction between elect and non-elect children. 2) Christian fathers are commanded to bring up all the children born into their homes in this fashion. D. Transgenerational blessing is assumed throughout the Bible. 1. Peter says that the promise is to "you and to your children, and to all who are afar off, as many as the Lord our God will call" (Acts 2:39). 2. For covenantally faithful parents, because the promise of Scripture cannot be broken, the Lord's gracious calling of our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren is something in which we can rest. IV. A Final Word about Means and Grace. A. Some of you may be concerned that I have forgotten that salvation is by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. B. I assure you that I haven't forgotten it at all. C. If our children are going to be saved, they will be only saved by the righteousness of Christ imputed to them through the instrument of their own personal faith. D. Having said that, we also must understand that God uses means. 2. We baptize and partake of communion. a. Salvation is by grace. b. And God uses means to accomplish that salvation. Rom. 10:17– So then faith comesby hearing, and hearing by the word of God. c. So, God uses faithful parents as means by which he works faith in the heart of a child. E. We also need to understand that grace and obedience are not enemies, but best friends. 1. We don't have to choose between holding on to the affirmations the Bible make concerning what Christ has done for us and what God requires of us. 1 Cor. 15:10– But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which waswith me.
I hope this sermon was a blessing and encouragement to you. It may have been discouraging to some of you. Remember this: God is not looking for perfect parents. He is looking for forgiven sinners who are faithful to the Lord Jesus. He is looking for parents who daily repent of their sins and rely on the grace of God for every moment of parenting and life. Pastor Joel Beeke in his book Parenting by God's Promisessays, "We all need help in parenting; the only 'perfect' parents I know are those who have no children." How true this is! God is not looking for perfection in you. He already has that in his Son. He is looking for faithfulness that his grace produces in your life.
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