Introduction
In our Bible reading, sometimes we come across what seems to be a seemingly unnecessary detail. We usually gloss over it and continue reading. We find one of those details in our passage. The detail that David took the time to provide for his parents is completely unnecessary for the narrative of 1 Samuel. As a matter of fact, the narrative would flow better without the reference to his parents. From a literary perspective, it seems forced in here.
When you come across what seems to be unnecessary details, remember two things. One is that every scripture is God-breathed, that is, God spoken; therefore, there are no unnecessary details. The second thing to remember is that writing during the 1,500 years in which the Bible was written was very difficult. The medium (paper) and the ink were hard to come by. The mechanics of writing were cumbersome. So, the biblical writers, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, conserved the amount of words they would use.
These two facts, instead of dismissing what seems to be unnecessary, heighten its importance. Therefore, the fact that the Holy Spirit included here in this passage this seemingly meaningless reference to David's care for his parents should cause us to stop and think about what he is doing here.
I. David Is Caring for His Parents in Their Old Age.
A. We know Jesse was no spring chicken.
1 Sam. 17:12 – Now David was the son of that Ephrathite of Bethlehem Judah, whose name wasJesse, and who had eight sons. And the man was old, advanced in years, in the days of Saul.
B. Jesse and his wife (and the brothers) may have feared the repercussion of being related to David in Israel.
C. Whatever the reason, David went out of his way (literally) to help them.
1. He took them to Moab.
2. He secured the Moabite king's protection for them.
3. When he had to leave, he made sure they were provided for.
D. David is demonstrating to us the practice of the 5thcommandment by a grown son.
Ex. 20:12 – Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
Eph. 6:1-2 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."
E. Eventually, that is exactly what we are going to be considering: the duties of grown children to their parents.
II. The Plan of Attack: Youngest to Oldest
A. Although we want to spend most of our time talking about the duties of grown children to their parents, we will get there by considering the progression of duties through the age of the children.
B. Duties of young children to parents: birth through teen years.
1. You need your parents.
a. Some time around the age of 13, something happens to us that makes us think that we know everything and don't need anybody.
b. God's design is that you grow up and mature under your parents' care.
c. Because you are sinful, you need restraint.
Pro. 22:15 – Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.
d. God put you in your particular family – Romans 8:28.
e. God wants your parents to be the primary influence in your life
Pro. 1:8-9 – My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck.
Eph. 6:4 – And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
2. Obey your parents.
a. God has given them the right to tell you what to do.
b. He commands you to obey them, which means he commands them to order.
c. Do what they tell you do immediately and cheerfully, without complaining or challenging their authority.
Phil. 2:14 – Do all things without complaining and disputing….
Col. 3:23 – And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.
d. Seek to please them IN EVERTYHING.
Col. 3:20 – Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
3. Respect your parents.
1. Your parents are not your peers.
2. Honor begins in your heart.
3. You are to honor BOTH your mother and your father.
4. Speak to them AND of them respectfully.
Lev. 20:9 – For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him.
Pro. 30:17 – The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it.
4. Pay close attention to your parents' teaching.
Pro. 6:20-23 – My son, keep your father's command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life….
5. Receive their discipline and admonishment.
6. Be thankful for them and for all they do for you.
7. Learn how to appeal to authority in a godly way – ex. Daniel 1 and Esther's approach.
8. There are limitations to your obedience.
a. One day you will grow up and no longer be a child under your parents' authority, Genesis 2:24.
b. Your parents do not have the right to tell you to sin against God.
Mt. 10:34-39 – Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.
C. Duties of grown children living at home.
1. One goal of parenting is to make children ready to leave the home.
2. Unlike marriage, the parent-child relationship changes.
3. Ordinarily this will take place when the child gets married, Gen. 2:24.
4. The relationship between unmarried adult children and their parents is different from that of younger children.
1 Cor. 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
5. When is a child ready to leave home?
a. When he/she is mature enough to make wise choices on his/her own.
b. When he/she is able to take on the responsibilities of adult life.
c. When/she is ready to live for others.
6. Some children leave too soon, some adult children are not leaving.
a. There are benefits to young, single adult living with his or her parents, there are also risks.
b. Adult children still living under their parents' roof must respect their rules.
c. Perhaps grown children who do not honor their parents should be forced to leave.
d. Even after leaving home, you are still to honor your parents.
7. Where there have been failure and breaches, children have the duty of understanding and forgiving father and mother.
III. Duty of Children to Aging Parents.
A. First, let me say that grown children making provision for their aging parents is a biblical pattern.
1. Joseph did that with Jacob.
2. David with his parents.
3. Jesus made provision for his mother – one of the seven sayings from the cross.
Jn. 19:26-27 – When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, "Woman, behold your son!" Then He said to the disciple, "Behold your mother!" And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home.
B. Jesus expected that grown children would provide for their aging parents if needed.
Mt. 15:3-9 – He answered and said to them, "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you say, 'Whoever says to his father or mother, "Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God" – 'then he need not honor his father or mother.' Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition. "Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: 'These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.'"
C. What Jesus expected, Paul commanded.
1 Tim. 5:4, 8 – But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God…. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
D. The 5th commandment's application changes as a son/daughter ages and especially when he/she marries; it, however, does not cease to exist – several perpetual passages.
Lev. 19:3 – Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and keep My Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.
Lev. 19:32 – You shall rise before the gray headed and honor the presence of an old man, and fear your God: I am the Lord.
Pro. 17:6(covenant keeping father) – Children's children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.
Pro. 19:26 – He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach.
Pro. 20:20 – Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in deep darkness.
Pro. 23:22 – Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
Pro. 28:24 – Whoever robs his father or his mother, and says, "It is no transgression," the same is companion to a destroyer.
Pro. 30:11 – There is a generation that curses its father, and does not bless its mother.
Pro. 30:17 – The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it.
E. Therefore, there is a moral and spiritual obligation for grown children to provide for their aging parents.
F. At the same time, there is a moral and spiritual obligation for parents to plan so that they will not unduly burden their kids.
Pro. 13:22 – A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.
IV. What Should We Do? What Is Our Reasonable Service to Our Aging Parents? (Helpful article in Christianity Today – July 1, 2019).
A. The title of the article: 'Honor Thy Father' for Grownups – Or, How not to Be a Deadbeat Son or Daughter by Mollie Ziegler Hemingway
"Why is it that we heap scorn on "deadbeat" parents who fail to take care of underage children, but excuse adult children who don't take care of their feeble parents?
Perhaps it's because caring for children—no matter how many diapers and scrapes must be tended to—is a joyful experience, while aging involves untold sadness and indignity.
Maybe it has something to do with our unwillingness to confront death. We use euphemisms (e.g., "passing on") to avoid acknowledging the finality of our physical life. We are bombarded with ads purporting to show us that popping this pill will alleviate all age-related joint problems while this financial plan will enable us to ride horses and climb mountains into our silver-haired twilights. The ads sell a hope of mobility and freedom against the certainty of bodily decay.
The media trumpet our expanded life spans (now over 78 years, from 47 a century ago) and healthier retirements (we expect to beat cancer, pneumonia, and the effects of diabetes—diseases that meant certain death for our ancestors). Yet we face longer periods of incapacitation than our predecessors could have dreamed of.
With the looming geriatric society come problems. Social Security and Medicare costs are soaring, private pensions are collapsing, and quality nursing homes and geriatric health-care workers are in short supply.
The generations handling care for dying parents are facing something their ancestors never did. They're part of smaller and less-stable extended families. They're less likely to live near their parents—sometimes they are thousands of miles away. And the amount of time spent caring for elderly family members can extend from a few tough years to many difficult decades. Even the strongest families will be stretched to the limit when attempting to fulfill the commandment to honor one's parents. So what do you do?
You take care of your parents."
B. It has never been easy to get old.
Ps. 71:9 – Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not forsake me when my strength fails.
1. Old age is almost always a time of physical and mental deterioration, of pain and loss, of fear and loneliness.
2. Watching parents become chronically ill or senile is unbearably painful for their adult children.
C. Christians should think scripturally when facing this troubling time:
1. Stop using language that avoids and denies death.
a. The secular world has no answers beyond the temporal, so it seeks to move death out of view—into thick-walled hospitals and under the care of professional doctors, nurses, and funeral directors.
b. The Christian knows that death is part of life's journey.
c. As we "walk through the valley of the shadow of death," Christ has promised his presence to comfort our fear.
2. When they cannot live on their own anymore, consider having them move in with you – this may be inconvenient, but possible.
3. If they are going to move into a rest home, remember that it is not a place where you put people so that you don't have to deal with them.
4. Actively include them in your life and walk with them till they die.
5. If your parents are Christians, help them plan their funeral so that it's the clearest possible testimony to Christ's crucifixion, resurrection, and return.
a. What's more important:
b. that the people gathered learn about that time your dad took you camping and told a good joke, or about the forgiveness of sins?
6. Make sure your parents have simple prayers for comfort during painful and difficult deaths.
7. Keep in mind the value of the individual.
a. We live in a society that hates aging.
b. Christians believe that our worth begins in the womb, and doesn't end until we are cradled to our Father's bosom.
1) When so many people determine worth based on what you can do or contribute, it becomes easy to disregard the elderly as useless.
2) But it is our Father in heaven who determines who is worthy.
3) One's identity isn't changed by age or illness.
Conclusion
Ultimately, caring for parents reminds us that the commandment to honor and love our elders never expires, giving us an opportunity to love others as Christ has loved us. The CT article ends this way:
One friend recalled having to bathe his grandfather. "Being a typical self-absorbed college student, I wasn't thrilled about the prospect," he said. But he quickly became mindful of Christ's humility and service toward us.
"This was nothing compared to what Jesus had done for me—this was nothing compared to what my parents and grandparents had done for me. This was my vocation as son and grandson," he said.
It's our vocation, too.
You may be thinking, "I can't do it. I can't take care of my parents. My life is complicated enough as is." The God who calls you to obedience also says that he will sustain you.
http://olympiabp.blogspot.com/2016/04/duty-of-children-of-aging-parents-1-sam.html
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