Introduction
In Jesus Christ, you are the elect of God, holy, and beloved, v. 12. You have been raised with Christ, v. 1. Your life is hidden with Christ in God, v. 3. As a consequence of who you are in Christ, you relate to people around you differently than you would apart from your identity in Christ. There is a new outfit that you wear because Christ has changed you. You are taking off the things that were part of your identity without Christ (8-9). You are a new creature in Jesus. You have been completely redesigned. Your new outfit is Christ himself, v. 11. This reality, this Gospel reality, will powerfully impact how you relate to the people that God has brought into your life.
I. Our relationships are marked by tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, and longsuffering, 12.
A. Tender mercies = a heart of compassion
1. Word actually means entrails of compassion.
2. The ancient mind saw the intestines as the center of emotion; my intestines yearn for you!
3. God is called the Father of mercies (same word translated compassion)
2 Cor. 1:3 – Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.
B. Kindness has the idea of doing good toward another; being benevolent; this definition is based on how God is defined as kind.
Lk. 6:35 – But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.
C. Humility: not characteristic of the world
1. Seen as bad thing; word originally meant mean-spirited
2. Goes against human nature, yet our Savior himself is our example of humility, as he became a man and humbled himself.
Phil. 2:5, 8 – Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.
D. Meekness = gentleness
1. The opposite of arrogance
2. Another characteristic of our Savior
Mt. 11:29 – Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
3. It carries the idea of not being easily provoked.
I. Longsuffering = patience (self-restraint that enables one to bear injury and insult without resorting to hasty retaliation – EBC), 12-13
II. Two ways by which we put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering: patience and forgiveness, 13.
A. The words bearing and forgiving are here explaining how we accomplish the action of the main verb of the passage: put on.
B. To bear with one another is to be patient with one another.
C. To forgive one another is to release the right to demand payment for a debt incurred against us – charizomai includes the word for grace.
"…to forgive, on the basis of one's gracious attitude toward an individual…."Nida
1. The pattern for our forgiving others is the forgiveness with which Christ has forgiven us.
2. What is that pattern?
a. Christ forgives regardless the offense against him.
b. Christ's forgiveness results in restored relationship.
c. Christ's forgiveness eliminates any barrier between him and us, 1:19-22.
d. When Christ forgives he does not hold that sin against us anymore.
e. When Christ forgives he doesn't bring that sin up again to use it against us.
3. That is our pattern – you can see that it can only be followed by the grace of God.
4. Therefore, forgiveness is a vertical commitment to God in Christ that is followed by a horizontal transaction.
a. Forgiveness begins by your giving whatever offense committed against you to the Lord.
1) This does not mean that you act as if something wrong is right.
2) It means that you don't carry the wrong with you (bitterness), and that you do not treat the other in light of the wrong (judgment).
3) That means that you entrust yourself to God's mercy and justice, and you give yourself to overcoming evil with good.
Rom. 12:9-21 – Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
4) By giving it to the Lord, you commit to respond to the people around you with the same grace you have been given in Jesus Christ.
b. Having committed it to the Lord, then you are ready to deal with whatever the sin was, Mt. 18:15 – this is the relational part of forgiveness.
5. Often, forgiveness is a process, not an event.
a. You may find yourself returning to old, bitter thoughts and getting angry once again – you need to confess that to the Lord and seek his help.
b. You fall into dealing our punishment for sins already deal with and you need to repent again.
III. Being willing and able to forgive is essential for any healthy relationship and yet is often the path least traveled in relationships – why is that?
A. Debt is power.
1. There is power in having something to hold over another's head.
2. There is power in using a person's weaknesses and failures against him or her.
3. In moments when we want our own way, we pull out some wrong against our spouse, children, friends, siblings, etc. as our relational trump card.
B. Debt is identity.
1. Holding onto a person's sin, weakness, and failure makes us feel superior to him or her.
2. It allows us to believe we are more righteous and mature than they.
3. We fall into a pattern of getting our sense of self not by what God has called us to be and do, but by comparing ourselves to the people whose sins we keep on holding against them.
C. Debt is entitlement.
1. Because people wronged us, they owe us.
2. Holding on to other people's sins against us makes us feel deserving and comfortable with being self-focused and demanding.
D. Debt is weaponry.
1. We carry the sins and failures of people around us like a loaded gun.
2. We tend to fire that gun when we are angry.
E. Debt put us in God's place.
1. We are not the judge of the people around us.
2. We are not the one who should dispense punishment for sin.
3. It is not our job to make sure that the people around us feel the appropriate amount of guilt for what they have done against us.
4. But that is a position that we naturally want to assume.
F. This desire to keep people in our debt through unforgiveness is nasty stuff.
1. It is a lifestyle driven by ugly selfishness.
2. It is motivated by what we want, what we think we need, and by what we feel.
3. It has nothing to do with a desire to please God with the way we live with the people he brought into our lives, and it surely has nothing to do with what it means to love people in the midst of their struggle to live according to God's way in this broken world.
G. Even though this is nasty, we have all been seduced by the power of unforgiveness.
H. I often state the obvious and here is the obvious: forgiveness is a much better way than unforgiveness.
1. It is the only way to live in an intimate, long-term relationship with another sinner.
2. It is the only way to deal with hurt and disappointment.
3. It is the only way to have hope and confidence restored.
4. The cost of forgiveness is great, but the harvest of forgiveness is a beautiful thing.
IV. When is forgiveness needed?
A. The biblical call to confession and forgiveness is to be followed only in instances when one has done something to another that the Bible calls sin.
1. You don't have to ask forgiveness for differences in personality or perspective.
2. You don't have to ask forgiveness for attempting to do something and failing (like a project around the house).
3. You don't have to ask forgiveness for accidents like tripping on the carpet and breaking grandma's China.
B. Forgiveness is needed when asked.
1. Even though we must be ready to forgive anyone, we cannot relationally extend forgiveness till the offending party asks for it.
a. This is a concept that is difficult to accept because we have bought into modern pop-psychology preached by Oprah.
b. But our pattern is God's forgiveness in Christ – we are not justified till we turn to Christ in faith asking to be forgiven.
2. We confused waiting to grant forgiveness till one asks for it with holding on to bitterness, but they are not the same.
V. What does forgiveness require and return?
A. Forgiveness is an investment in you relationship with God and in your relationship with other people, and, as with all investments, there is cost involved.
B. The return is easy to see.
1. Healthy relationships.
2. Joy.
3. Growth in grace.
4. Winsome relationships that draws people to Christ.
C. How about the cost? What does forgiveness require? Six things:
1. Forgiveness requires humility.
a. It is only when we really believe that life is bigger than us, that there is something more important than our wants, needs, and feelings, and that we have been given life and breath for the purposes, plans, and praise of another, that we will be willing to forgive.
b. When we stand in the center of our own universe with nothing more important to us than ourselves, we find nothing more offensive than a sin against US.
c. Forgiveness is much easier for the person who lives conscious of the reality of how much he/she also needs to be forgiven.
d. Nobody gives grace better than someone who is convinced they need it as well.
2. Forgiveness requires compassion.
a. Compassion is being moved by the plight of another, coupled with action to help him or her.
b. You forgive people because you loved them.
3. Forgiveness requires trust.
a. Forgiveness is not so much an act of faith in the person you are forgiving as it is and act of faith toward God.
b. You believe that there is blessing on the other side of the hard work of forgiveness.
c. You believe that when you fail and take up the offense once again that God will forgive you and give you the power to change.
d. Because you trust in God, you are willing to forgive those who sinned against you.
4. Forgiveness requires self-control.
a. To forgive, you have to say no to bitterness, which permits you to carry a wrong and not give it room to expand in your heart and shape your response.
b. You have to say no to the desire to lash out with angry words and actions of vengeance.
5. Forgiveness requires sacrifice – Forgiveness requires that we be willing to let go of our desire for safety and comfort and for the surface peace of silence, and, as an act of faith, that we endure what we do not want to face in order for the other to be helped and our relationship to be reconciled.
6. Forgiveness requires remembering.
a. Perhaps a lifestyle of unforgiveness is rooted in the sin of forgetfulness.
b. We forget there is not a day in our lives that we do not need to be forgiven.
c. We forget that we will never graduate from our need for grace.
d. When we remember—when we carry with us a deep appreciation for the grace that we have been given—we will have a heart that is ready to forgive.
Conclusion
Forgiveness is an essential characteristic of those who belong to Jesus. It also the lifeblood of healthy, God-glorifying, joy-producing, Gospel-proclaiming relationships.
http://olympiabp.blogspot.com/2015/07/forgiveness-col-312-17.html
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