Introduction

God created the family. He is sovereign over the family, and he has all the right, authority, and power to dictate what every member of the family should believe and do. The great thing about God is that whatever he commands us to do in regard to our family, that very command is the best thing for the family.

The Bible speak to the husband/wife, dad/mom, and also to the children. I would like to spend most of our time today speaking to parents and their children.

I. God comes first (even before your family), Dt. 6:5-6.

A. Some get God and family out of balance.

1. Some neglect their families because they think they are serving God.

1 Tim. 3:4-5 – …one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);

2. But more often than not, people sinfully put family ahead of God: familiolatry.

Heb. 10:25 – … not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.

B. Love the Lord your God wholeheartedly, 5.

1. Your loyalty to God may create conflict within your family.

Lk. 12:51 – Do you suppose that I came to give peace on earth? I tell you, not at all, but rather division.

2. Your relationship with God enables and equips you to love your family.

3. The way you run your family is an expression of your love for God.

C. God's Word must first be in your heart before you can train your children, 6.

1. Family worship and teaching is the natural outflow of a life of worship.

2. You can't train your children to be stronger Christians than you are.

Lk. 6:39-40 – And He spoke a parable to them: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher."

3. Your children will catch your values.

4. Parental hypocrisy is a cause of rebellion.

II. You are responsible before God to train your children, 7a.

A. It is assumed in the Bible that God's people will gladly have children, Gen. 1:28 Ps. 127-128

1. Children are a blessing from God.

2. In addition to disciplining and training your children, enjoy your children.

3. Your objective in training your children is God-centered: trusting your children will carry godly values into future generations.

Dt. 4:9-10 – Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren, especially concerning the day you stood before the LORD your God in Horeb, when the LORD said to me, "Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children."

B. Train your children to live a life of godliness and wisdom.

Eph. 6:4 – And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Pro. 4:1-8 – Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine: do not forsake my law. When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me, and said to me: "Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live. Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom isthe principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. Exalt her, and she will promote you; she will bring you honor, when you embrace her.

Pro. 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

C. You cannot ultimately delegate the training of your children to anyone else.

1. It is not the job of the government to train your children.

2. Nor have you fulfilled your duty if you put your children in a Christian school.

3. Nor is it the job of the church to train your children.

4. Parents are to be the primary influence in their children's lives.

5. Husbands and fathers are particularly called to be spiritual leaders in the home, Eph. 6:4

6. What if there is no Christian father?

Jam. 1:27 – Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

D. You are responsible for all of the influences (teachers) to which you subject your kids.

1. You may choose to use a conventional school, but you are responsible for what your kids are being taught.

Ps. 1:1 – Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful…

2. Home-schoolers also use outside teachers and influences.

3. Also, keep watch over your children's friends, entertainment, etc.

1 Cor. 15:33 – Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits."

E. What is the place of our church in training our kids?

1. We encourage children to be with their families in the worship service, Eph. 6:1f; Ex. 10:9; Josh 8:35; Neh. 8:3; 12:43.

2. We offer Sunday School and youth programs as a supplement to the training which takes place in the home.

3. But the best thing the church can do for families is to train fathers to lead and teach their families.

III. The Bible tells you how to train your children, 7b-9, 20-25; 4:9.

A. Teach your children in formal settings, 7b.

1. Family devotions and teaching times.

a. Keep it brief, Eph. 6:4.

b. Maintain your children's interest by speaking at their level and by teaching interactively and creatively.

2. Specific suggestions:

a. Read a short section of Scripture together and invite each family member to make a comment or ask a question, starting with the youngest.

b. Pray together using a list.

3. The book of Proverbs is a model of parental instruction.

B. Teach your children informally, 7c-9.

1. Fill your home with reminders of God's Word.

2. Take advantage of opportunities to apply the Word of God to life as it happens.

3. Interact with your children about God's truth, 20; Pr. 20:5.

4. Teach them by your example.

5. Don't turn every situation into a sermon.

C. Teach your children about the blessings of redemption, 21-25.

D. Prepare your children for the responsibilities of adult life.

IV. Children, God wants you to obey and honor parents.

Eph. 6:1-3 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."

A. You need your parents

Pro. 22:15 – Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.

Pro. 29:15 – The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

1. Some time around the age of 13, something happens to us that makes us think that we know everything and don't need anybody.

2. God's design is that you grow up and mature under your parents' care.

3. God put you in your particular family – Romans 8:28

Acts 17:26 – And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings….

4. God wants your parents to be the primary influence in your life

Pro. 1:8-9 – My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck.

Eph. 6:4 – And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

5. Your parents are your best friends and have your best interest in mind (at least they should).

B. Obey your parents

1. God has given them the right to tell you what to do.

a. He commands you to obey them.

b. Which means he commands them to order you to do things.

2. Do what they tell you to do immediately and cheerfully, without complaining or challenging their authority.

Phil. 2:14 – Do all things without complaining and disputing,

Col. 3:23 – And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.

3. Seek to please them IN EVERTYHING

Col. 3:20 – Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

C. Respect your parents

1. Your parents are not your peers.

2. Respecting your parents begins in your heart.

3. You are to honor BOTH your mother and your father.

4. Speak to them AND of them respectfully.

Lev. 20:9 – For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him.

Pro. 30:17 – The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it.

5. Pay close attention to your parents' teaching.

Pro. 6:20-23 – My son, keep your father's command, And do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; Tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life…

6. Receive their discipline and admonishment.

Heb. 12:7-11 – If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

7. Be thankful for them and for all they do for you.

Pro. 31:28 – Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…

D. Learn how to appeal to authority in a godly way – ex. Daniel 1 and Esther's approach

E. There are limitations to your obedience.

1. One day you will grow up and no longer be a child under your parents' authority, Gen. 2:24.

2. Your parents do not have the right to tell you to sin against God.

Mt. 10:34-39 – Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to "set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law"; and "a man's enemies will be those of his own household." He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

V. God gives you good reasons for honoring your parents

A. Honor them because it is right

Eph. 6:1 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

B. Honor them for the Lord's sake.

Col. 3:20 – Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

1. Your parents are not perfect.

2. But your honoring them does not depend on who they are, but on whom Christ is.

3. Jesus, who is perfect, obeyed his imperfect parents.

Lk. 2:51 – Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them, but His mother kept all these things in her heart.

C. If you honor your parents, you will be richly blessed.

Eph. 6:2-3 – "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."

1. You will be blessed because your parents will teach you to live wisely.

2. If you do not honor your parents, you will be cursed.

Dt.21:18-21 – If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear.

Pro. 20:20 – If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.

VI. What does God expect of grown children?

A. One goal of parenting is to make children ready to leave the home.

1. Unlike the husband/wife, the parent-child relationship changes dramatically as the child grows up.

2. Ordinarily this will take place when the child gets married, Genesis 2:24.

3. The relationship between unmarried adult children and their parents is different from that of younger children.

1 Cor. 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

B. When is a child ready to leave home?

1 Cor. 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1. When he/she is mature enough to make wise choices on his/her own.

2. When he/she is able to take on the responsibilities of adult life.

3. When/she is ready to live for others.

C. Some adult children are not leaving.

1. There are benefits to young, single adult living with his or her parents.

2. There are also risks.

3. Adult children still living under their parents' roof must respect their rules.

4. Perhaps grown children who do not honor their parents should be forced to leave.

D. Even after leaving home, you are still to honor your parents.

1. Seek your parents' counsel.

a. You are not bound to do what they say.

b. But it would be foolish not to draw from their wisdom.

2. Build your relationship/friendship with them – all the injunctions to mutual love apply to your relationship with your parents as well.

3. You are responsible to take care of your parents in their old age.

Mt. 15:3-9 – He answered and said to them, "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you say, 'Whoever says to his father or mother, whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God -- then he need not honor his father or mother.' Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition. Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: 'These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.'"

Application & Conclusion

· Children, bring delight to your parents as an act of worship toward Jesus Christ

· Parents train your children in godliness.

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